Accused of Being Too Sensitive?

“You are being too sensitive!” “Stop being so sensitive!” “Everything makes you cry!”

In a nut shell these accusations are the language of emotional abuse and manipulation. These people in our lives may have love for us, but are unwilling or lack the capacity to “do love.” Chronically abusive people and abusive acts denote disconnection from their humanity/spirit.

A disconnected person feels compelled to use relationships (romantic, familial, friendship, work, and even healer-client) as a false fix through energetic exploitation. Our damage often manifest as re-runs and  the dynamic that inflicted the pain they cannot heal. This time they get to create the situations where this time they are the ones in control. In this controlled situation they can be either the victim, the abuser, or both.

Abuse is learned behavior except in those cases of true psychopaths who are born unable to have any empathy for life other than their own, truly disconnected.  People who are abusive, narcissists (covert needy type or overt vampire type), and sociopathic lacking empathy, have experienced some kind of emotional trauma they have not healed. In science what they call dissociative, depression, anxiety, bi-polar, borderline personality disorder, and so on, are all referred to as a shade or color of “soul loss.” It’s state of being disconnected from self, others and your soul in shamanic practices. So how can we step into a healing process rather than reenacting trauma?

 

First Identify whether your heart or your ego is taking lead. It’s the difference between a symbiotic or parasitic dynamic. This goes for both the accused overly sensitive and the accuser.

If you are expressing sensitivity via the Ego in reaction to an emotional pain or a trigger, it may look like:

• Acting on the desire for the other person hurt like you/taking revenge/punishing.
• Attempting to control (manipulate) how the other person feels or reacts.
• You may want sympathy, but have no empathy and do not feel for the other person. You may pretend to, to get your way.
• You may not identify your own needs or those of others, but you want things to be the way you want them.
• You want to deflect away from emotional pain of yours and others because it makes you uncomfortable, you don’t want to face anything emotional. It’s not important or you just can’t handle it.
• Rationalizing your actions, being one-sided in your assessments, blaming, faulting, and unwilling to take responsibility for your choices, actions, feelings and how they affect the other person.
• Changing your behavior or actions out of obligation, duty, and fear.
• Being secretive and rejecting outside help. Heaven forbid you have to make changes or take responsibility!

When the ego is leading, it offers  addictive, intoxicating false fixes that are temporary and painful in the end rather than curative. For example you feel satisfaction when someone feels guilty or is does what you want, but it doesn’t really heal anything.

If you are expressing sensitivity via having a Heart connection may look like:

• Expressing a natural need to connect and be heard.
• Expressing empathy for the other person while still honoring your needs.
• Facing your emotions and “going there,” to sit with them.
• Practicing self love first whether others can or cannot co-create that space with you.
• Requesting others to honor your needs, avoid demanding it, while requiring respect.
• Realizing this may not be the person to meet your needs, the roles you play for each other may have to change into something you might not want at this time in order to be more fulfilling and nourishing for everyone.
• Forgiving yourself and others for you.
• Acknowledging your own shadow side and take the responsibility to not let it rule your actions.
• Taking responsibility for your behavior by changing it willingly from a place of unconditional love and forgiveness.
• Being open to seeking outside help.

 

Reminders:

Affirm that you are sensitive because you are a human being connected to life.

Assess whether doing things your way or being rigid really works to in terms of maintaining peace, harmony, balance etc.

Healing is a process not a static goal.

Decide you are absolutely done with habitually creating traumatic dynamics. Doing what is necessary to spend more time and energy in a state of healing (gratitude, love, forgiveness) pays off.

Decide that guilt is a highly perishable emotion that expires rapidly. If you are adding preservatives to keep it going longer then you have forgotten it only serves you as signal. Guilt has nothing to do with being “a bad person,” whatever that means. Note: guilt it is a go-to tool of manipulation. 

Learn to speak from your heart assessing what your needs are and listening to needs of the other person. Figure out together/in community how those needs can be met. It takes practice and you will benefit from wise outside help.

 

 Having sensitivity to your dynamic and changing needs, standing firm while acting with love, other people will either correct their behavior, remove themselves, and possibly learn how to be loving and heal themselves.

You may have to remove yourself from the relationship in some way if you cannot find a healthy way to move forward and the other person “can’t let go.” Should you find your relationship stuck in an abusive dynamic and you are both the “can’t let go” type, then expect to be on a hamster wheel or a series of hamster wheels.